Out of My Mind
by Kavani
Summary: Boat rides can be long for anyone. Enter Zuko. Zuko finds himself unable to sleep and steps out to clear his head. Rated M for implied sexual content and to be consistent with my upcoming fanfics. Please enjoy!


"_Out of My Mind"_

-A Songfic by Kavani

_The characters appearing in Avatar: The Last Airbender are copyright Nickelodeon. No infringement of these copyrights is intended, and is not authorized by the copyright holder. All original characters are the property of Kavani._

_A/N: This has been on my mind since "The Secret of the Fire Nation" aired. Based on Duran Duran's song, "Out of My Mind" from both _The Saint Soundtrack_ and 1997's _Medazzaland_. This is set during "The Serpent's Pass"- Kavani_

**Out of My Mind**

Daybreak. It had always been a special time for Zuko. The rising of the Sun seemed to calm him and bring new possibilities. Over the last few months, it has been a time of reflection and sadness. He had made sure he was always up before the Sun rose.

Zuko didn't sleep last night. He laid next to Uncle after he had his fill and fallen asleep. He waited until the voices of the other refugees died down to one or two and stepped out on the deck. Walking toward the railing, he looked at the Moon in the Sky. Uncle had told him that Her name was Yue. A Water Tribe Princess. She had taken the place of the Spirit Tui after Zhao had killed the Moon. Zuko sighed. These Water Tribe women had such strength. Yue... and the one whom Zuko couldn't stop thinking about, Katara.

_Light a candle  
Lay flowers at the door  
For those who were left behind  
And the ones who've gone before_

Standing there, Zuko closed his eyes. Pushing all others from his mind, Zuko thought back to his childhood. The once idolized image of his father, a younger Azula, and his mother. He remembers her filling the Palace with a calm and colorful presence. Caring, nurturing, almost pure innocence. He missed her, but he knew that she had killed Lord Azulon. Forced him to make Father Fire Lord and keeping him safe for a few years.

Only recently had he put it together. When he had saved Li from those thugs, his mother came to mind as he laid there on the ground. _"Everything I've done, I've done to protect you. Remember this Zuko, no matter how things seem to change, never forget who you are!"_ After leaving the village, Zuko spent a long time mulling over this. He never believed that she abandoned him, as Azula would have him think. He finally grasped the strength of character and determination Mother had to keep her only son safe. He never thought he'd see a woman of such inner strength and beauty again.

_But here it comes now  
Sure as silence follows rain  
The taste of you upon my lips  
The fingers in my brain_

The fog begins to roll in and Zuko shivers. He met her at the South Pole, following the Avatar's reawakening. Katara...

"Katara..." Zuko said silently. He did not know her name that day at the South Pole. He'd hardly given her a second look. He'd been shocked to learn that a little boy was the Avatar. Having spent that morning chasing the brat all over his ship, he wasn't too thrilled to see this flying bison come out of nowhere carrying her.

In the ensuing fight, Zuko was amazed however to see the Water Tribe girl and her idiot brother follow and rescue the Avatar. When she cried out for him, it was pitiful. When he murmured her name, he was enraged.

_Ever gentle as it kills me where I lay  
Who am I to resist?  
Who are you to fail?_

Zuko met Katara again in Kyoshi. To be honest with himself, he wanted to hate her then. She was starting to embody the things he loved about his Mother. Things he found attractive in a women.

_Got to get you out of my mind  
But I can't escape from the feeling  
As I try to leave the memory behind  
Without you what's left to believe in?_

"Heh..." he laughed. Zuko recalled after leaving Kyoshi, he began having fantasies about her. Some where he was violent with her. Others where he captured the Avatar, imprisoned her brother and she welcomed him with open arms. He didn't care how they started, but he liked the ones where she welcomed him.

He followed their trail to the Shipyards. The Avatar had long since fled, but he found a small piece of her. Zuko sighed as he remembered himself plotting to lure her to catch the Avatar.

Zuko's chase had led him to the Temple of Fire. He found Katara, Sokka , as he learned her brother's name, and the Avatar. Even captured them. He though he was going home. Zuko could regain his honor and pursue a new prize, a girl with Spirit.

Then Zhao came and ruined it. He was cocky and it got the best of him. Being chained near Katara, he admired her fierce loyalty and wanted it for himself. Yet when the Avatar began to destroy the Temple, he ran. Zuko, for the first time in a long time, was scared of someone. He fled to save himself for another attempt, for he knew the Avatar could keep them apart indefinitely.

_And I could be so sorry  
For the way it had to go  
But now I feel your presence  
In a way I could not know_

Zuko sighed again and looked up. The fog was getting thicker and he could barely make out the Moon. It felt like the line between this growing feeling inside and the drive to capture the Avatar. Did the ends justify the means?

Zuko knew he was obsessed. Obsessed with capturing Avatar Aang and returning to a life back home. He was also becoming obsessed with Katara. In his desperation, he hired pirates to capture her. He needed her as bait, he told himself that over and over.

Zuko had captured Katara when the pirates ambushed her at the river. Grabbing her wrists, Zuko shivered has he felt the electricity between them flow. He knew they were polar opposites, but opposites attract, do they not?

He could feel the heat rising again as he recalled the stolen kisses. The ones he dreamed, the ones he kissed upon her ear and neck. Zuko began to smile as he felt her sigh. She'd never give the Avatar up. That's was attracted him to Katara. She carried herself like a Princess and was as fierce as any Warrior..

Zuko couldn't make the Moon out anymore. The ferry could be taking them anywhere. He felt this was when he and Uncle hired Jun. Jun is a strong woman, no doubt. But she has Azula's stripe of cruelty. However, it was for hire. That and her Shirshu. He was cruel that day. Driven by his obsessions to find both the Avatar and Katara. _It_ was obvious to Jun how he felt about Katara. Zuko narrowed his eyes at that thought.

Getting hit by the tongue of that damnable beast of Jun's had given him time to reflect. He needed to prove himself to Katara. He needed to get the Avatar.

_And I wonder  
Do you ever feel the same  
In whispering darkness  
Do you ever hear my name?_

The world was covered in a haze. Nothing definite could be made out. Like the frozen North. Zuko stole into the Northern Water Tribe stronghold. Found the Inner Sanctum. Found Katara guarding the Avatar. It would be the second most heinous act he would do. Almost with pride, he recalls Katara matching him move for move, being his equal and opposite that night. Had the Sun not risen when it did, he might not be here.

Zuko defeated her with the rising of the Sun. She is a prodigy, a natural. He should be jealous of that, but instead he silently thanked her for pushing him to his limits. And beyond. While waiting for the Avatar to awaken, he spilled his inner most thoughts to the young man. Zuko even told him about his hidden desires for the Waterbender. He pictured, sometime in the future of him caressing her face, making love to her, raising their children. He prayed, that those unborn children would have her eyes.

She came for the Avatar that night. Not for him or a rematch as he had secretly hoped, but he was tired from stealing the Avatar from the Sanctuary. Katara had easily dispatched him, though .

No one noticed when he untied himself and hid behind the bison. They were too involved with Zhao's insanity. In retrospect, he should have stayed and helped them, got Zhao's mind off the fish. But after the Spirit was killed, Zhao ran as Uncle became the Dragon of the West again. Zuko followed him and fought him through the moonless night. They fought until the moon came back. Zhao was shocked, distracted. He didn't see those hands reaching for him out of the icy water.

_Got to get you out of my mind  
But I can't escape from the feeling  
As I try to leave the memory behind  
Without you, what's left to believe in?_

Zuko stiffened. He had tried to help, to save Zhao. But the pompous ass would rather die than accept help from him. That morning, he could have used some comforting, something that his Uncle could not give him in that way. Zuko wished Katara could have seen him. Fighting and trying to save Zhao. He wanted to show her that he wasn't a spoiled princeling or a worthless person.

Zuko could feel the Sun starting to stir. It would be a little while before the fog began to lift. Sighing, he looked at his hands. If they weren't attached to his arms, he'd never recognize them. They were different, dirty... almost respectable. But it was these hands that pushed Katara away from him.

When he came across Azula and the Avatar fighting, he didn't know what he wanted. He did know, that if Azula caught him, the Avatar would die. He chose to face of with Azula. The three of them fought and chased one another like cats and mice. The Avatar's friends came to help. Katara came to help. The child in green stood between them. Through the corner of his eye, he saw the fierce determined look, he'd missed and grown to love. She had no idea. Fighting on the same side, made him feel complete. Uncle had come to him, and she was there. Only defeating Azula would have made that feeling better.

_How could you dare  
To become so real  
When you're just a ghost in me_

Then it happened. He couldn't stop Azula. She caught both him and Uncle unawares. Both of them were concerned about the Katara and Toph, as Uncle called her. Azula saw that and struck Uncle. It chilled Zuko to the bone. He couldn't stop her. Azula ran off and his only thought was to save Uncle.

That's when he did the most despicable thing in his life. He pushed Katara away. She wanted to help. He should have. Zuko was being selfish in that moment and couldn't trust anyone with his uncle. He left a fire trail around Uncle and himself. It was the hurt in her eyes, that made that moment the worst one ever. He could have sworn she felt something for him too.

Zuko tried to banish the fantasies of her from his mind. He was determined to make it up to her. To show Katara he had changed. To finally tell her how he felt. She was his ghost now. Always with him, ever out of reach. He knew his mother would be proud of him.

_And I've got to get you out of my mind  
But I can't escape from the feeling  
As I try to leave the memory behind  
Without you, what's left to believe in?_

Lost in his thoughts, Zuko didn't notice the fog begin to lift and the shapes of the rocks become clearer. Nor did he register a presence behind him.

"You know, as soon as I saw your scar, I knew exactly who you were." Jet said walking up behind him. Zuko stiffened ready to fight him. "You're and outcast like me. And we outcasts have to stick together. We have to watch out each other's backs. 'Cause no one else will."

"I've come to realize lately that being on your own isn't always the best path."

_Here in the back of my mind_

_Deep in the back of my mind_

Jet stood next to him. Quietly contemplating what he had just said, Zuko took his mind off of Jet and off of his thoughts of Katara. Zuko stood there and watched the walls of Ba Sing Se come into view.

_Fin._

_(A/N: I know it isn't quite "M" rated material, but I think I'll use it as a back bone for stuff to come. I watched "Tales of Ba Sing Se last night and I cried at the end of Iroh's tale. I've been a Mako fan for some time and it hit home last night. Please review._

_Thanks to __pyscho-pyro-shrink__, I guess it **does** sound odd to be happy at Momo's misfortune. I thought it was time that Momo was developed more as a character than comedic relief. But I thought it was a good short none the less._


End file.
